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It's a good step to look for guidelines on parenting step children. It implies you care and value the relationship you can establish with them to at last be respected and loved by them. You should not be sure to be obeyed at the beginning or to be allowed to discipline them. You'll have to proceed step by step.

To sum up the progression of your relationship with your step children, you will start a little bit as a baby sitter, later will be seen somehow like an uncle or aunt and inevitably as a real parent, a pretty close member of the family. Just remember you want to become their friend. Their parents are here for the discipline part, you're not. And yes, that is an advantage!

Parenting step children takes 7 steps:

1- Be clear when introducing who you are and what you would like to become for them. Make certain they comprehend you don't want to steal the role of their mum or father. You need to be out of the discipline issue from the beginning. Make clear you will not give punishments but will simply do what has been decided with their parents by reporting wrong behaviours to them simply because they decide of the consequences. It is an agreement you have. You only would like to know your step children better and to be friends if it sounds ok for them. Talk freely to help them say what they think. You're an "intruder" for them, it's perfectly normal.

2- Show interest in your step children's lives. They probably will find this strange and might not participate much but keep showing interest in what they do, it'll be rewarded. Always try to know what is occuring in their lives, try to remember the things they talk about, the name of their friends, important dates... It will eventually astonish them. Parenting step children really is about being there.

3- Be a team with your partner. Speak with one voice or the step children may try to take advantage of the disagreements you may have. If your spouse legitimates your place within the family, it will eventually be less complicated for you.

4- Be persistent in your effort to establish a strong bond with your step children. It takes persistence obviously but don't lose hope. If you're consistent in your behavior, your step children will more likely know they can count on you. Simply be there for them and respect the time they might need to get closer to you.

5- Spend an afternoon alone with them, do activities they like. On the way back home, stop by a cafe to eat or drink something and chat a little. It will eventually let them to discover a different side of you and they will keep in mind what you shared and how amusing and relaxed it was. Doing one-on-one activities can make parenting step children less difficult and will help developing the relationship more quickly.

6- Be open with what you think. Tell them it is difficult for you but that you sincerely would like to be their friend. Ask them what they feel. By talking openly, they'll be more inclined to talk about their feelings toward you. Of course it might hurt a bit, but because they will be surprised you're not their enemy and understand them, they will feel compassion for you too!

7- Be funny! It will help the family look at things in perspective and will relieve some tensions. Humor will help you get closer to your step children.

It would be a lie to declare that parenting step children is extremely simple but with these 7 steps, I am confident you can create your own place in their hearts and become a full member of their family. You'll be respected and loved. Be available for them, be consistent, fun and compassionate.

A last word for the step mums and dads of extremely difficult children. You might be interested in the website I created with other parents where you can read reviews of a selection of parenting programs we tested. They can truely help parenting step children that are really difficult to deal and communicate with. By the way, one of the authors of these programs is a step father! The link is my bio if you're interested. Tricky situations have to be acted upon, otherwise they just worsen or at least don't create anything.

About the Author

Laura Kaine is the mother of June (10) and Jack (4). She helped many parents and shares her knowledge online as an expert parenting writer. After putting an end to her daughter's defiant behavior thanks to a parenting program, she convinced other parents to review together different parenting methods that worked for them. The website they created together is http://www.YourParentingHelp.com.

Stepfamily Information

Looking for stepfamily information? Here are a few useful links to follow. Stepfamily Australia Stepfamily Association of South Australia - Offers a wide range of articles on stepfamily issues. Stepfamily Zone - You should have a look at their online forums, the largest in Australia Stepfamily Magazine Stepfamily/Blended Family Books - Click here